I could call myself a LOSER by now.

What about it?errrrrr. I seriously really don't know why that thought would always reach my brain and my heart, i think so. It's like there's something missing in me but i just couldn't figure that very thing and i'm stucked with it. Do you get that feeling when people exalt you for doing such good things but you just don't see it that good, I haven't been so fulfilled for a long long time. As in, any time now i can freely shout and say, "HEY! I'M A LOSER! BELIEVE ME!", though i don't and i hate to be one. uhhhhh, this really sucks.

I'm not insecure or anything. I think it's more on GUILT. I know for certain i am guilty but why i feel guilty, that i don't know. But I really am, promise. I'm hurt or whatever like this only happens rarely. I could only remember 2 times and both's because of Jesus. The first one was RAY CAMP and the second one's great. It was just an ordinary day and i was thinking about random things and these. Just when we had praise and worship and sang religious and jolly songs, not boring and slow. I was singing and raising my hands thinking about things that happened to myslef those days, suddenly a tear came out and rolled down my face. That very candid moment, I was touched by Jesus and I believe he was telling me that I am already at the barometer or my sins. I don't want this to happen for the 3rd time. I know this is not because of my religious thingy, I think it's more on relationships with people, groupmates, friends and all.

How do i get over this? Of course, i would not want to hang on this and leave it undone. The problem is, I can't barely get up. I couldn't take it any longer. Anyway, i'll be until here. Until next time.